Words Behind A Smile

So today I just felt like looking through my news feed on facebook. Just browsing through all the crap everyone posts and liking something. For starters let me just warn you this is just going to be a huge rant. I’m just trying to save you some time here because time is precious, my fellow word pressers. Ok! So I came across this post that said, “I’m smiling, but I am really hurt inside. Like OMG!” The last two words were mine, but seriously those two words fit in her freaking post really well. I know her in real life and she is a bit, fake? I that the right word to describe her? I truly don’t know. What I am trying to get at, is that she is such a wanna be! She wants to be that girl with all the problems, who understands, everyone cares, and blah blah blah. It just infuriates me! That single post makes me want to shove a bee hive up a donkeys ass! I bit graphic however that is just how I feel right now about that post! Why do I even bother with that post in the first place? Well, I may be a bit of a hypocrite for getting mad at this because I post my emotions on here on wordpress despite that I am on a site where I’m just a random who know one really know. Why do you even hide your feelings behind a smile in the first place!? It boggles my mind how this girl’s brain works! In my opinion the reason people hide behind a smile is to not worry a person/people or to just show they’re not weak!

You

“The core of your
true self
is never lost.
Let go of all the
pretending and
the becoming
you’ve done just
to belong.
Curl up with your
rawness and come home.
You don’t have to
find yourself;
you just have to
let yourself in.”
D. Antoinette Foy

Alone Vs Lonely

Am I alone or lonely? I have no idea. There is only so much that you can preoccupy yourself with until your thoughts or that feeling consumes you. Through out the day I tried my best to just create an illusion of me having fun. But bang! My feelings and thoughts caught me off guard and dove in to eat me alive. My life time goal in life was to feel happiness with no thoughts of sadness at all. Because for me to be able to achieve that goal would be amazing. There are so many people who are stuck in the same position of me they`re either alone or lonely. That`s why when I actually opened my eyes I saw a whole new world. I want to change someone`s life for the better. For them to think wow, I am loved, there are people who actually care for me and will be there for me. I don`t want anyone “to be comfortable with the idea of being lonely.” Why? Well think of it. They preoccupy themselves with work or some other stuff and bam! They got caught off guard and now they have to overcome this obstacle. To me this subject pains me so much that I am actually shedding tears right now. When I think about myself in what position im in it hurts. I feel like im living through hell. Everyone cancels on me, I get ignored and thats why im starting to dread the days where I have no school. Like I feel no social connection with anyone right now. I feel like no one really cares about me. You may think Im probably being stupid but I don`t deny that. For me it just pains like why are we born with the feelings of loneliness or sad thoughts? So I`m going to put up a smile and try accomplishing my goal.

Alone Vs Lonely